A Selfless Gift: How to Decide If Being a Surrogate Is Right for You

surrogate parents and pregnant woman

Are you thinking about becoming a surrogate mother? Helping someone realize their dream of having their own family is the ultimate gift that you can give to anyone, but are you ready? It’s not as simple as getting pregnant, a lot of responsibility goes into it.

You’ll need to ask yourself several questions for example, what is your health like? If you’re not sure if you would make a good surrogate there are signs you can look for such as if you’ve already been a mother.

In this article, we’re going to go over this, as well as what you need to know before, during, and after the pregnancy so you can find out if being a surrogate would be right for you.

1. Questions to Ask Yourself First

If you’re considering being a surrogate, there are several questions you need to ask yourself first. Your answer to these questions is the first step in deciding if you want to go through with the process. 

What Is Your Health Like?

Your health is probably the most important thing to consider when you’re deciding if you want to be a surrogate. Think about your history, if you have any life-threatening illnesses, you might not be the best choice for the job. You also need to be a non-smoker and sober.

You’re having this child for two very eager parents. You don’t want to pass down any illnesses to it or jeopardize its life before it even begins. 

What Is Your Financial Situation?

You may be thinking, “why do I need to be financially stable, I’m not keeping the baby?” The thing is though, stress is very bad for a little one so if you’re stressed over your finances, it could put the baby in danger. 

There is also the fact that the money compensation you get for being a surrogate shouldn’t be the reason why you’re doing it and if you’re in a bad financial situation, this is a red flag to most agencies. 

Do You Have Support?

You need to have a support system for both emotional reasons and practical ones. It helps you as a surrogate if your family and friends are supportive and happy with what you’re doing. 

You also need practical support. Someone to help you around the house and also drive you to all the doctor appointments that you’ll attend while pregnant. 

Are You Comfortable Disclosing Your Personal History?

By personal history, it won’t just be your medical one that surrogacy agency will need. They will also need to know your past with illegal substances and your criminal background.

All your past with depression, your mental health, any miscarriages, will all be laid out on the table. If you don’t feel comfortable with giving out that information then being a surrogate will be an impossibility. 

Do You Meet the Requirements?

Even if your answer to all the questions above is yes, you still have to meet the requirements of the surrogacy agency. They have these requirements in place to make sure you will be a great potential surrogate.

Talk to several different agencies to learn about these requirements. Ask questions to find out if you would be a good fit for them.  

2. Signs You Would Make an Awesome Surrogate 

If your answer to the questions isn’t enough to decide, there are several signs you can look for in yourself. Look deep inside and check these off your mental list as you read along. 

You’re the Right Age for It

For most places, you need to be at least 21 years old. This is to make sure you’re in the right emotional state to be a surrogate mother. Usually, the cut off age for the process is when you turn 39 years old. 

You’re Already a Mother

It’s actually a law in some states that you have a child of your own before becoming a surrogate. Nobody knows more than someone who has already been through the process at least once before. 

Not only are you experienced with the birthing process, but everything after as well. It’s because of this that you can be a great help to the family you’re surrogating for. Chances are, this is their first one so you can help ease some of their parental worries by giving them helpful advice. 

You’re Great at Communication

A lot of conversation will be going on between you, the agency, and the intended parents. You’ll be responsible for keeping them updated on your progress on a regular basis.

You’ll also be asked plenty of questions and it’s important that you respond quickly. When you have appointments at the clinic, you’ll also need to report what happened during the session. Having good communication skills is crucial for building a good relationship between you and the intended parents. 

You are Generally a Generous Person 

To be a surrogate is to give the gift of parenthood to a family who for whatever reason, can’t have one of their own. If the idea of this warms your heart, then you’ll most likely make a great surrogate. 

There are many highs and lows with being a surrogate and if you’re willing to push through all the lows to give someone else happiness, well, that is the ultimate in selflessness

If your answers to all the questions were yes and you checked all these qualities off of your mental checklist, then go here to read more about why you should go forward in the process. Next, we’re going to go over everything you need to know before, during, and after the pregnancy. 

3. Before the Pregnancy

When you first get in touch with an agency, you’ll go through a long screening process to decide if you’ll be an ideal surrogate. You’ll answer questions sort of like the ones we mentioned above. If the agency decides that you’re perfect for the job, you’ll be matched with a couple. 

Once you’ve met the couple, you’ll be given a contract to sign. Read over it carefully and be prepared to ask questions. You’ll go under fertility treatments after the contract signing to ensure that you’re as fertile as possible. 

Be sure before you begin the process that you talk the decision over with your spouse. 

4. During the Pregnancy

The biggest worry for surrogate mothers is that they will become attached to the baby they are carrying. They may choose to become emotionally detached from the little one which is the wrong way to go about it. Instead, think of it as babysitting. 

You want to include the intended parents in every step of the process. You can make a baby book with pictures for during the pregnancy. The parents will appreciate it and it will help them feel connected to the pregnancy. 

The process for the baby can be a little jarring. They are being taken away from the person whose voice they’ve been hearing for 9 whole months. It’s for this reason that you want to have the parents over often to talk to the baby before it’s born. 

Another idea is to get the baby familiar with sounds they will regularly hear at their parent’s home. For example, playing their parent’s favorite songs to them. When the baby is actually born, give it an item that smells like you for transitional purposes.  

During your pregnancy, you will often get congratulated about it and get asked the basic questions. You’ll need to think of a script and let people know you’re surrogating and why. Normalize your pregnancy. 

5. After the Pregnancy

What you feel after the pregnancy will be different for you than it would be another mother. It’s different for everyone. Sometimes you are left feeling happy for the parents but sad because you miss the baby. 

It’s important that you have a strong support system during this time. You can reach out to a surrogate support group. They will be ready to offer comfort and answer any questions. 

Once the baby is born, it’s up to you and the intended parents if you want to keep in touch. Usually, this is decided before the birth and if you have a close relationship with the parents, sticking around might not be such a bad idea. They can act as friends and support. 

All You Need to Know About Being a Surrogate

Being a surrogate is a beautiful and emotional process. Before you decide to be one there are many questions that you need to ask yourself which boils down to you being qualified with your chosen agency.

If the idea of giving the gift of parenthood to a lucky couple sounds good to you, then you won’t regret looking into it. 

One of the most important aspects of your life is being happy. For more articles like these, visit the be happy section of our blog.